And My Soul's A Sorry State
by Figursk8r
Summary: Arthur, who hates America, is forced to go to America as a foreign exchange student. He is staying with the Jones's and Alfred isn't too happy about his arrival. USxUK Feedback welcome. I suck at summaries. (Go figure) Title Credit: And the Snakes Start to Sing by Bring Me the Horizon Rated M for Language, and possibly later chapters. (Don't hold me to that, I might back out.)
1. Listen to Me Whine

_Arthur, who hates America, is forced to go to America as a foreign exchange student. He is staying with the Jones's and Alfred isn't too happy about his arrival. Alfred isn't the most mentally stable. Will Arthur be able to help?_ USxUK

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**This is my first Hetalia fic. I'm thinking about making this a part of a HighSchool!Verse. If I make any mistakes, please correct me. Feedback is welcome. (Just don't be a jerk.)**

**Chapter Title Credit: Basket Case by Green Day**

**(All titles will most likely be from songs because I am not good at making up titles)**

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_**Prologue**_

"_WHAT?!_"

"You're spending the next year in America," Arthur's mother reiterated.

Arthur was beyond infuriated. After all, his parents had -without his knowledge- signed him up for a foreign exchange program that would have him shipped to his least favorite place in the world. Not only was everyone there jerks, but they were rich, and thought they were more important then everyone else. And to top it off, they knew absolutely _nothing_.

"What about all of my friends? I'll be alone there! Did you think of that? No, of course not, you probably just want to get rid of me. You can't force me to go to a place like...like..._that_," Arthur spat his words with venom. America was synonymous with hell if you asked him, and he was not ready to die. To make his point clear as to how unwilling he was to go along with his parents plans, he folded his arms tightly across his chest and held his head high - he was not going down without a fight.

"I'm sure that you'll make plenty of friends in America. We thought you'd be thankful, after all, it's not like we can afford to take you anywhere else. We wanted to give you a chance to see the world, rather then staying in England for your whole life." Mrs. Kirkland held her ground, and refused to allow her son get his way yet again.

"What makes you Think that I want anything to do with those annoying, burger eating arrogant bastards!" Arthur sneered before walking briskly towards his bedroom. He would _not _associate himself with such low lives.

"You're not getting out of this Arthur Kirkland," his mother yelled after him. Although he failed to hear her; having already stuffed a pair of headphones in his year and jumped out his window that only stood a foot from the ground. He needed some time to think about what his parents had gotten himself into, and to complain to his friends.

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When Alfred got the news that some stuck up British kid would be staying with him, he did nothing. He remained numb to what his parents told hi and walked past them and into his room. It was no different then how he'd reacted to everything else around him for the past 4 months.

Alfred hadn't _really_ heard what his parents said, because he tended to ignore them anyway. If he had heard them, he surely wouldn't have agreed to it. He never would have allowed them into the bedroom across the hall that had been untouched for three months if he had known that they had only entered the room with the intent of boxing everything up and storing it in the garage.

As it was, Alfred watched in confusion as his mother exited the room with a box in her arms. He could clearly see the white fur of a familiar polar bear that had been left on the bed.

"What are you doing with that?" Alfred questioned. His mother had no response as she turned to her son. Alfred's voice was rough from not being used for months, and he wasn't surprised to see his mothers shocked expression. "What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing with his things?" He hollered accusingly.

"Watch your language," she scolded. "Anyway, I told you, an exchange student from England is staying with us."

"You can't just box his stuff away and fill his space with a stranger. You can't replace him!" Alfred quickly reached towards the box and tugged at the white fur that protruded out. "And Kumajirou? How fucking could you?" Alfred hugged the old polar bear to his chest as he rushed back into his room.

He held Kumajirou firmly in his grasp as he rocked back and forth with tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry Mattie. I tried to stop them, I did. I don't want to replace you."

_'Liar. You're a worthless liar, and you know how I feel about liars.'_

"I-I'm sorry Mattie. I-I didn't meant to upset you. I love you."

_'Worthless scum.'_

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**Ooooh, Mattie talking to Alfred?**

**I love writing Arthur's part, because, if it's not obvious, he really hates Americans. (I have nothing against America, including I live there.)**

**This chapter is kind of shitty, and short, but that's why it's a prologue!**


	2. He Wakes Up Haunted

Arthur glared out the window as he soared however many fucking kilometers above the oceans surface. Really, what _had _his parents been thinking? He'd rather the plane plummet into the water then have to interact, attend school and _live _with the vermin that was considered American.

And then it seemed, almost as soon as the plane had taken off, it had landed. Arthur wondered if maybe they _had _landed in the vast ocean, until he heard the pilot bidding everyone goodbye, although maybe he was bidding them to their death. There wasn't much of a difference to him.

He quickly lifted his carry on from the bin above him to avoid being shoved and cursed at by the bloody impatient Americans that surrounded him. He'd already experienced a rather rude business man on his phone while boarding the plane.

Whilst hoisting his luggage into the compartment, a rather tall man with short black hair and a well pressed suit shoved into him. "Hey watch it kid," the man had snarled. "I just got this dry cleaned."

To which Arthur responded: "How about you pay less attention to your phone and more attention to who you bloody run into."

The businessman had simply laughed at him. What the fuck is 'bloody' supposed to mean," he retorted. "You British people are 'bloody' crazy. We don't need anymore of you infiltrating our country. I mean, our government is so worried about the Iraqi's trying to attack us when really they should be trying to make sure scum like you trying to take rule over our country. There are already too many of you here."

Arthur was prepared to come back with a witty response when someone yelled out from the front. "Stop arguing and fucking move, stupid British people." That only infuriated Arthur more, but he knew if he didn't cooperate a stewardess would be on his ass.

Arthur successfully exited the plane without another unpleasant run in with another American. He hurried away to retrieve his other suitcase and waited impatiently as it twirled around. He soon spotted his bag, but as he made his way towards it, the same man who bumped into him reached for it.

"Excuse me, but that's my bag." He hurried to catch up with the man as he walked away briskly, phone once again pressed firmly to his ear. "Sir," he tapped the man's shoulder.

"What? Oh, it's you again," he said impatiently as he looked him over. "I've got to go, some kids bothering me," he muttered into the phone with displeasure.

"You've got my bag."

"I am quite certain that this belongs to me."

"If you'd just check the bloody tags, you'd know it wasn't yours." Arthur was fuming by now at the Americans stubbornness and held his hands tightly to his sides to avoid punching the arrogant douchebag.

"Very well." The man gave the taps a once over before returning his glare towards Arthur. "Arthur Kirkland. I suppose that's you." He quirked an eyebrow and released the suitcase. "Next time, find something different," he spat, as though it was Arthur's fault that their luggage was mixed up.

To avoid further repercussions, Arthur hurried outside of the airport. He was surprised to see the sun shining, since it had been pouring in London when he'd left. He supposed that he wouldn't need all the jackets that he'd brought, seeing as it didn't appear to be as dreary in America. Not that that made the country and more bearable.

After a brief look left and right, he saw a sign that read 'KIRKLAND' in big black letters. As he neared the couple, they seemed to squeal in response. Arthur was surprised to see that their own child appeared to be absent, and he wondered if he was as upset about the arrangements as Arthur.

"You must be Arthur," the woman smiled sweetly. Arthur found it impossible not to like her. She clearly wasn't as rude as everyone else in the country.

"And you must be Mr. and Mrs. Jones," he smiled back and stretched out his hand to wrap them both in a strong handshake.

"Please, call me Jane," Mrs. Jones said whilst extending her own hand.

"And I'm Richard." Mr. Jones appeared a bit more stand offish, like the rest of the population he already hated.

Alfred's parents had left for the airport an hour earlier then necessary, which gave him plenty of time to drag the boxes back inside from the garage. He set to work putting things back in place. He couldn't deal with a displeased Matt, even if he was dead, he was still scary when he was angry. "I'm going to fix everything. See Mattie, everything's in its proper place," Alfred's voice wavered as he waited for his brother to tell him what he did wrong.

_'The pictures crooked you worthless imbecile.' _

"S-sorry, you're right. I'll fix it." Alfred quickly hurried to the picture of the twins smiling cheerfully and centered it on the wall.

_'I don't even know why I kept that picture up. It's a disgrace to be your brother.' _

"I-I'm sorry. I'm trying, trying to be who you want me to be," he whimpered and curled into a ball.

_'I don't think you are,'_ the voice bellowed. Alfred knew what was to come, but he waited for his brothers orders. _'I think you need to be punished for your disgrace to this family. You know what to do.'_ And Alfred did, so he hurried into the bathroom and reached for his razor that was hidden under the sink.

"H-How many?" He questioned as his eyes filled with tears.

_'20. But not so deep, you don't need to leave such a mess. You don't want mom to see how disgusting you are.'_ Alfred nodded in agreement and brought the cool metal to his hip.

1

_'Ugly.' _

2

_'Dirty.' _

3

_'Fat.' _

With each cut, his brother branded him with the insults that would forever sing his heart.

After placing the blade back where it belonged, he wiped away the blood on his skin so that his mother didn't question him. He knew if his mother knew about Matt haunting him, she would just think him insane.

He'd learned to deal with the taunting's since his brother had died in a car crash. Alfred didn't blame himself, after all, he had been at home sick when it had happened. But Matthew blamed him, and he made that quite clear.

he quickly grasped Kuma-jiro and rushed back into Matt's room and curled up on his bed. "Can I sleep?"

_'Well, I supposed, since you asked so nicely.' _

The voice disappeared long enough for him to get an hours nap. As punishment for talking, it had kept him awake the past three nights. Alfred had tried to plead with him, promising not to talk if it would just leave him alone. He said that it didn't matter since he'd already talked, but in turn would not be permitted to sleep unless he was a 'good boy.'

Alfred was shortly awoken by the sound of the garage opening and he knew that the stupid British kid had arrived. He stayed routed to his spot on Matthew's bed as he heard them make their way towards the room.

"Alfred, what do you think you're doing?" His mother yelled upon entering the room. "Great, now we're going to have to box all of this up again."

_'Don't let them do it, don't let them replace me with that trash.' _

"No, I won't allow it. Matthew wouldn't want such trash in his room." To this, his mother's eyes widened.

"Go to your room. Now!"

_'Do it and I'll kill you.' _

Matthew's voice won again his mothers and he again refused to move. He was much more frightened by the voice inside his head rather then his mother. His mother could punish him all she wanted, but it would never measure up to what Matt did. If he did one thing wrong, Matt could have him killed, his mother on the other hand would simply ground him.

"Richard," she sighed in defeat. With that, his father came and picked him up, flinging him over his shoulder. Alfred reacted by kicking and screaming like a child. He could not let his parents win this one.

When place in his room, his mouth flew with apologies, only once his father was gone of course. "I tried Mattie, I really did. I'm sorry. Pleas don't hurt me."

_'Yes, but not hard enough. But, because your effort, you won't die...yet.' _

"Oh thank you, thank you Mattie," Alfred said with relief.

His door soon opened and in walked the exchange student. "I-I'm Arthur, your parents told me to introduce myself. And that suppers almost ready." The kid, Arthur stuck out his hand, but Alfred only stared at it. He couldn't be nice to someone who was supposedly replacing his brother.

_'Tell him that he's got a stupid accent and that he's ugly and to go away.' _

Alfred was hesitant. Sure, he didn't like the kid, but he didn't want to hurt him.

_'Do it.' _

Alfred jumped at the atrocity of his voice and nodded his head before speaking. "You have a fucking stupid accent, and you're ugly. I think you should go away before I barf," he said whilst glaring.

Alfred watched the hurt pass over his face as he hurried from the room and slammed the door across the hall. He decided that it was better the kid hate him, because if they ever talked, or became friends, Mattie would despise him even more.

_'Bonus points for the last part. But, bonus points revoked for feeling guilty.' _

"Wasn't that a bit harsh?"

_'Maybe, but he deserved it. And so do you. 20 cuts...And no supper, you're getting fat anyways.'_

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**So, Mattie's dead. And Alfie hear's his voice. Crazy.**

**I've got 6 followers so far, so thank you. I'm glad someone's reading it. I hope you like this chapter.**

**I was hoping for this to be a bit longer, but I didn't quite make my goal. (I try to make chapters around 2,000 words)**

**And, if there are any mistakes, feel free to let me know.**

**Title Credit: Bully by Three Days Grace**


	3. You're Already The Voice Inside My Head

Arthur sat awkwardly across from Jane and Richard while Alfred occupied the seat next to him. The boy had tried to get out of eating- claiming that he wasn't hungry- but his parents forced him to join him nonetheless. Arthur noticed that Alfred didn't seem to way much, and he was pretty much just bone, he didn't blame his parents for forcing him to eat.

Mr. and Mrs. Jones had apologized profusely for their sons rude behavior that morning. They explained how their other son, Matthew- Alfred's twin- had passed away in the spring and he was still broke up over it. He wasn't sure what to think of the American; when he first arrived he had acted like a baby, and later he had turned into a jerk, what was he, bipolar?

"Alfred, eat your food." Arthur looked to his left at Mrs. Jones command to find Alfred grimacing at the food on his plate and glaring up at his mother every so often. With another glare from his mother, Arthur witnessed Alfred take a hesitant bite before jumping a bit in his seat. Alfred tried to play it off as nothing, but Arthur had still noticed, although he didn't think Jane and Richard did. They seemed to have stopped paying attention once Alfred picked up his fork full of green beans.

"I need to use the bathroom," Alfred said before scraping his chair on the linoleum floor and rushing to the bathroom. Arthur wondered what caused him to hurry from the room without eating much. After he thought about it, he realized that Alfred was probably Anorexic or something, seeing as he was really thin and refused to eat.

"Is he okay?" Arthur asked due to the other boys sudden disappearance and careless escape.

"He's been sick for the last few days. Poor baby," Jane commented sadly. She spoke of Alfred like he was still a young boy incapable of taking care of himself. His parents seemed to look down on him and treat him like he was younger then his age, most likely due to his brothers death. He assumed that Mr. and Mrs. Jones were forced to be the strong ones since Alfred was clearly unstable.

Arthur left it at that and ate his remaining meal with little small talk. He still wasn't comfortable around his new acquaintances and the people he would be staying with for the next year. They brought up the upcoming school year, and how he would love the school, it was 'the best you could get for public school' they had said. He wondered if Alfred would reappear at the table and remove the attention from himself, but wasn't surprised when he didn't.

He eventually dismissed himself to retire to his room after asking if Mrs. Jones needed cleaning up and she politely denied his help. He was exhausted from his flight and was ready to flop down on his bed and sleep. Upon entering the room, he witnessed a frail body tucked into his bed with a stuffed polar bear. Arthur couldn't deny that the sight before his was a bit cute; but it's not like anyone would think differently. This instantly spoiled his plans of sleeping, since he didn't want to disrupt the boys well needed sleep. He hadn't failed to noticed the bags under his eyes that a kid their age shouldn't have.

The sudden movement of Alfred rolling over onto his side caused him to realize that he'd been staring. Before turning away, he caught a glimpse of bare skin where Alfred's shirt had ridden up from moving. Covering the skin, Arthur thought he could see what appeared to be little red lines drawn across the skin that resembled what could have been scars. Before he would allow himself to think anymore about what he might have seen, he quickly backed away from the room, giving up on his plans of sleep. He didn't have a destination in mind, but he had to get away from what he'd seen.

_It was just the lighting._ It had to be.

_'He saw them.'_ The voice hissed. _'You can't be so careless.' _

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Mattie, it was an accident. I was asleep, I didn't know." Alfred was now fully awake back in his own room. After only an hour, Matt had decided that he had slept enough and commanded him to return to his room so they could 'talk' which only consisted of Matt reprimanding him.

_'I'm not letting this happen again, I will not keep permitting these naps.' _

"But I need to sleep, otherwise I will die. Mattie, I'm so sorry. I won't let it happen again, just let me sleep," he begged. He hated the forms of torture that he was forced to endure from his mind. He knew it was all made up, but he couldn't help but be afraid of what might happen if he started ignoring the voice.

_'Fine, but only because, if you died, it would destroy mom and dad. You're the only thing they have left, no matter how worthless you are. If only you would have died instead of me, then everyone would be better off.' _

Alfred had wondered why Matt's voice was always so mean and cruel. He missed when he used to joke around and hang out with his brother. Those were his favorite moments, and he would do anything to have him back. If Matt were alive, he'd never say such things, rather, he'd protect him from anyone that said such things.

"What happened to you Mattie?" He asked quietly, afraid of what his response would be.

_'I always hated you, I just pretended, because you were so pathetic. I was your only friend, that's pretty pathetic. You were alone, and I pitied you.' _

"That's not true," he said while tears rolled down his face. He knew that Matt could never mean such a thing, even if it was just the voice inside his head. Before he could say anything else, and something that would most likely be followed by a punishment, his door creaked open slowly.

"You okay Alfred?" Arthur asked as he peeked his head in. Alfred saw the way he didn't enter the room fully to make a quick escape if Alfred showed any sign of being a jackass again. He hoped that the boy would leave once he gave his answer, because he wasn't in the mood to deal with him too.

"Fine," he lied through his gritted teeth as Matthew's voice picked up again._ Why couldn't he give me a break? _

_'Disgusting.'_

_'Ugly.' _

_'Cocksucker.' _

"Shut up!" The last comment threw him over the edge. It was so hypocritical of Matt to say. He had no room to talk, he'd had a boyfriend of his own, French even, so he was like over the top gay. Alfred felt kind of bad for Matt's boyfriend, Francis, he'd seemed pretty torn up over his death too. They head been head over heels in love, and Alfred thought that they would be together forever, but that would never happen now. Alfred thought that they were the cutest couple ever, and their relationship was much healthier and stable then anyone else their age. Alfred had meant to talk to Francis, but had been distracted by the Matt inside his head. He was sure that Francis would have appreciated talking to him, he had always considered Francis his other brother. Matt had even been accepting when Alfred cam out to him, and supported him completely, he even convinced him to tell mom and dad; Matt had already come out and they had reacted nicely.

Alfred noticed Arthur's presence missing from the room and was relieved not to have to deal with two voices at once. At the same time, he feared what Arthur now thought of him, he probably deemed him insane since it was clear that he was not talking to anyone in the room. Although, he wished that Matt was the one to disappear, because Arthur proved much nicer.

_'Talking to me while others are present. Tut tut . You should know better. I'm going to need some time to come up with this punishment.'_

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**This is way shorter then I wanted it to be. I tried adding stuff to it, but I had writers block. (I like never have writers block- at least when I'm writing fanfiction- so it was horrible.)**

**I feel like this chapter was kind of crappy, but I made it the best I could.**

**If I make any mistakes, please let me know.**

**Also, if you like it, favorite/follow and leave me a review. I will love you forever. And who knows, maybe I'll read your stuff if I know who you are.**

**And I really appreciate the people who have already followed or written a review, it lets me know that I am doing something right, and someone likes it.**

**Title Credit: I Miss You by Blink-182**


	4. One Bang, Blood Rushed to the Head

The first week at the Jones' proved uneventful after the first day. Alfred had kept away from him, and he hadn't appeared in his room again. Arthur couldn't refrain his thoughts from going back to what he'd seen that first day when Alfred had fallen asleep in his bed.

He wasn't surprised that Alfred failed to show up to every meal that week. The few times Arthur witnessed Alfred eat anything, it was either raw meat, or a disgusting mix of food thrown into a blender. When questioned about his odd eating habits, Alfred had said that he'd liked it, but Arthur refused to believe that.

Arthur couldn't help but noticed the way Alfred tended to flinch before saying anything, and he never seemed to have anything nice to say. He appeared conflicted by something in his head, but Arthur was forced to leave it be- it's probably nothing, he'd concluded. Arthur wondered if that might have to do with the scars that he definitely imagined.

It was clear to the Brit that something was clearly off with Alfred. Ever since their first meeting, it was clear that the death of his twin had affected him for the worse. And it obviously wasn't something that he was dealing well with.

It was 12 A.M. and Arthur couldn't seem to fall asleep. He hadn't normally stayed up that late, and the night time held a weird silence to it. Although, Arthur noticed, it wasn't completely quiet; there was a slight commotion coming from the room across the hall and he wondered if maybe Alfred couldn't sleep either. Arthur took this as a chance to try to 'bond' with the American.

Deciding that it was now or never, Arthur slipped silently from his room and into the dark hall. A sliver of light was evident under Alfred's door and it was obvious that he was still awake. Before entering, he listened carefully, only to find that Alfred was crying.

Arthur tapped gently on the door to give Alfred the heads up that he was not alone anymore, but the American still seemed to jump when he entered the room.

"Are you okay?" He asked the boy cautiously as he rocked back and forth on his bed in the center of the far wall. Alfred's hair was a mess and stuck up in the random places from being pulled at. His clothes appeared wrinkled from his excess movements to no doubt try to sleep and turning over continuously. And there were clear crescent marks on his arms where his nails had dug in, and some even sported blood.

Arthur quickly looked back to his face, and caught sight of him shaking his head. He couldn't seem to bring himself to speak, and Arthur didn't mind because he would probably just spout cruelties anyways.

"G-g-g-go a-awa-ay," Alfred stuttered as he tried to speak and breathe at the same time while hiccupping sobs overcame him.

Arthur couldn't even think of leaving after finding Alfred in such a state. Ignoring Alfred's pitiful command, the Brit moved farther into the room until he reached the bed upon where Alfred sat. The other boy tried his best to get away, but Arthur soon had a hold strong hold on him and crawled in beside him. Upon Arthur's careful and comforting touch, Alfred seem to calm down and whatever had been bothering him, seemed to have vanished.

He made the voice stop.

Alfred wasn't sure what Arthur had done to make Matthew shut up, but it had worked nonetheless and for that he was thankful. Of course, now Matt was beyond pissed off at him, and one nights sleep did not seem worth Matt's furious wrath.

_'Did you really think you could get away from me. Big mistake Alfie.'_ His nickname was spoken with such venom that he never wanted to hear it again, especially from his deceased and not really there brother. Matt had said it so sweetly when they were kids, and it had always brought him such joy, knowing that his brother loved him so much to attach an affectionate nickname to him. But now it was being used against him and that was worry some. _'You know the drill.' _

Alfred followed Matthew's orders and hurried off to the bathroom. He was surprised to find it already occupied, and no doubt by the same boy that had allowed him to sleep the previous night, since his parents had their own bathroom connected to their room. A hiss from Matthew had him anticipating the occupants exit, so that he could get it over with before his consequences worsened.

With a knock on the door, the familiar British accent filtered through the door and was music to his ears. "Oh be patient, I'll be out in a moment." Alfred didn't know how much longer he could wait; with the voice quiet in his ear, that slowly intensified, he knew that his fortune was not a good one.

As soon as Arthur left the bathroom, Alfred had pushed his way in and shut the door quickly behind him. His hand swiftly found the too familiar cool metal that was tucked away and brought it to the already tattered flesh on his waist.

_'Make them deep, and don't hold back. I don't care if anyone sees, because you need to learn from your actions. This is what you get for trying to get rid of me.' _

Alfred took his normal punishment of 20 cuts, digging deeper than usual and watching helplessly as the blood pooled down his thighs. He was clueless as to what would happen if he ever disobeyed his brothers- dead brothers demands. He couldn't imagine anything good coming from it.

After only a few scars had adorned his skin, his attention was brought to the door that he realized he hadn't locked. Alfred watch as Arthur's eyes shifted to the hand that held the razor tightly, and then to where blood still pooled from his open wounds, making the source untraceable.

"Alfred-" Arthur's voice snapped him out of his frozen stand and the razor easily slipped from his grip, and soon he was rushing from the room and back to his own.

"I'm sorry Mattie, so sorry. Shit, I'm so stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid..." Alfred's cries trailed off as his head became clouded and dizzy as Matthew's disappointed voice was muffled. He moved his hand to the pain on his side, and when brought back up into his line of vision, all that was visible was his own blood. "Oh God."

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**Sorry it's been a while since I last updated, my laptop is getting fixed. For now I am using my old laptop, which is slow.**

**Sorry this chapter is lacking, I just copied it out of my notebook and didn't add much to it, so it's not the best.**

**I have 11 followers now, yay! Thank you all for reading so far. I think I've got another chapter I can put up, but with school and shit it might be a bit since I have to type it up.**

**Oh, and I have decided to also add a Russia/China story to my little highschool!verse.**

**Chapter Title Credit: Beautiful by P.O.D.**


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